theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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