it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize