i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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