I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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