this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
