imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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