So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
