Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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