You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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