I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
