Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
