dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
