do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
