ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
