I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's just so happy...and so naked.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
