it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
