I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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