I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
