good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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