I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
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I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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