drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
