Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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