did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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