Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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