called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
