the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
