first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
