this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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