so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
