the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
