ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
