I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
