I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
