And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can I color on your dick again?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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