have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
