I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why didn't you poke me back
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
