the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
