with your own penis?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
MIDGETS
????
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize