You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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