So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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