She said her name was "party"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
