Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
