Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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