um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
