it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
