this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
