Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
