I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
