Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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