i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize