I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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