can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
