He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
