this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
