dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
