I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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