Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
