Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize